POLITICAL OPINION ALERT: Charlie Tu finds it insulting that a “country” with a dismal Human Rights record would spend its time and money on a blah issue such as Food Safety for kids. Is this really a top concern, comrades? The country of course is China, and its ads from the Beijing Women & Children’s Development Foundation are horrific. Such a nightmare. Baby Charlie Tu dreamt this once when his family was still trapped in the old country in which he too fed on pizza slices topped with shards of glass and hamburgers as scorpion bugs. In the dream however the snowman in a french fry bush didn’t cry for Charlie. He just laughed and laughed and laughed. Like we do now.
“Is his world really safe?”
Charlie discovered yet another reason to look in the mirror and cry: a comic strip that ran in newspapers nationwide from the 1920s to the 1980s starring a fortune-cookie-spouting ethnic stereotype named Ching Chow. Mr. Ching was based on Charlie’s great-grandfather, an immigrant whose calligraphy skills secured him a modest job as an assistant colorist at the Himmler comic syndicate in Chicago.
According to unsubstantiated family lore, Charlie’s grandfather submitted a proposal for an illustrated version of the Tao Te Ching, a sacred 1,500-year-old text that forms the basis for several religions. His white employer was so taken with the proposal that he commissioned instead a white man with little talent and even less imagination to take up his pen to convey the true Chinese experience. Hence, Ching Chow:
If Charlie Tu had to raise any terror alert it would be for an empty coffee cup. Never forget! Thankfully some savvy t-shirt designer has come up with something to help.
Meet David Choe. His new AZN superhero (Korean vampire?) is inspiration for Charlie Tu’s upcoming Spring 2010 fashions, sans the cleavage. Like Charlie she is a street-walker whose favorite color is fuchsia. Her phobias include Persians and parsnip and her powers: breaking hearts and powerful Donkey Punch. Has this designer been reading Charlie Tu’s diary? Check out more here.
Oh Hi! Charlie Tu’s new job has perks. His boss lady, aka, ‘Charlie you need to pick up lunch’ is taking him to Market Table with one of their artist clients. (He works with the avant-garde.) Market Table is known for its hamburgers and Charlie Tu is amped to eat one. We did a Google fact check of the “hamburger” and found that it’s some sort of sandwich consisting of a cooked patty of ground beef placed in an open bun or between two slices of bread. Say what? I hope Charlie can handle it.
According to conventional New York wisdom or err… some guy in Brooklyn, pizza was invented in New York and if you say otherwise, you’ll get your face kicked in. So don’t even get me started! Charlie Tu agrees. (He’s a bottom.) So last night/morning he and some queercore punk got hungers and went to a pizza joint getting a lot of buzz, Artichoke Pizza, in the East Village, which is conveniently located next to Nowhere bar a/k/a Charlie Tu’s second home/health care provider. Did it live up to all the hype? Indeed. The punk and he agree it is the best, but only in Manhattan and maybe parts of Brooklyn, but don’t let anyone know that lest they get their asses kicked. Street cred.
Between Eat and Poop, Charlie Tu was bored so he made a Mad Man of himself based on the teevee series on AMC. He adores the show. Charlie envies a job which requires only heavy drinking, attractive clothing, and loose morals. The office manager at the Ad agency Sterling Cooper is his role model. Her name is Joan. Joan Holloway. And she draws power and influence from the vunerable men around her and still looks good in a dress. Does Charlie?
In US of England ppl love to eat sausage and bacon and fried eggs and pancakes and tomatoes for breakfast–even on the go! So it comes as no surprise that a local cafe would try to capitalize on this English custom and challenge its patrons to a breakfast eating contest of epic proportions. Burp. Behold, the first international Charlie Tu Eats food eating challenge, or as he likes to call it breakfast:
10 eggs, 10 bacon, 10 sausage, 10 toast, 5 black puddings, tomatoes, beans and mushrooms: Eat it all in 20 mins without a drink and you get it free!
Someone get Charlie to England.
Use it whenever you want to convince your AZN friends you “get them”. That’s all.
Jack-Ass just won’t go away.
For lunch Charlie Tu is treating himself —to a PORK CHOP! Nancy is appalled. The Other White Meat = No Public Option.
You want what?!
Do you know how many models and fashion experts are roaming free around Manhattan these days? Crap Loads. It’s their week, New York, and they only get one until they zip back to planet Wintour to feed on linens and things. To commemorate all things major Charlie Tu upgraded his usual breakfast egg sandwich (read Contempo Casuals) with extra cheddar cheese (read DIOR) and took the metro to work with the working models. (They all crash at his “place” in Williamsburg.) Oh and while all this is happening, we celebrate the anniversary of 9/11! ¿Quoi?
Do you see where Charlie Tu left his flatiron?