Archive for January, 2009
Archie Tu
January 30, 2009If Williamsburg was Riverdale and everyone was white:
Charlie Miranda
January 30, 2009
Charlie’s Watching You
January 30, 2009Last night, Charlie played a wicked kickass game with realtime friends and had actual fun without any Sparks. Essentially, it’s based on Taboo but with only the same 15 cards for all six rounds. Round 1 is just normal Taboo rules: you have the cards and have to convince your partner to say the chosen word without revealing the 5 taboo words on the card. Round 2: same rules except you can only give 5 clues. Round 3: no words, just drawing. Round 4: miming. Round 5: just index fingers. Round Six: just your eyes!!!!! Charlie almost freaked the crap out at the last round — everyone was blinking like meth addicts!
Mmm. I think the clue may be Blagojevich? 401K?
Bunz
January 29, 2009Meh. Charlie’s eating some Pan fried dumpkings, steamed pork buns and an egg pancake in Union square at Vanessa’s Dumpling House (?) with a female space robot. When he bit into the dumpling it was pink and uncooked. You Flunk Vanessa.
Sleeezburger
January 29, 2009You know how you get hungry sometimes late at night and you wish you could just roll over in bed and eat a greasy cheeseburger with fries? So frustrating, right. Well, CHARLIE DOES! His bed is a snack shack. And v. late last night it was Kellog’s Diner in Williamsburg. He had some fries, a handful of pickles and a slab of meat impersonating a cheeseburger. Charlie recommends sleeping instead. Ick.
Don’t even ask what they call “dessert” at Kellog’s. Charlie liked this best.
Effing Your Face
January 28, 2009Nermal wallpaper!
Big News, Nerds!
January 28, 2009
CharlieTuEats.com is now Web 2.0! Now, you can share your favorite posts with your webfriends on Facebook and other nerd sites including Digg, del.icio.us and Reddit, simply by clicking on the icon at the end of each update. Technology = totally rwsm! (that means “awesome” in cat/nerd-speak — I just made it up.)
Charlie’s Real Wired On Coffee Right Now
January 28, 2009And feels REAL good.
His runny puppy nose drips espresso.
Enemy Number One For Tu
January 28, 2009Did you know that Charlie Tu adds salt to basically everything cept his jock itch? He does. Charlie’s even been seen licking salt sticks between coffee sips on the L train. How gauche!! So it comes as no surprise that he is right pissed at an alleged medical specialist, a Dr. Frieden, the commissioner of New York City’s Department of Health and Mental Hygiene, who has recently made war on Charlie’s most cherished herb du jour, SALT! Have you no compassion, Sir? Your Salt Scare Politics have no place in our city. You are the enemy. These are rough times. Salt feeds the poor and warms babytinos, and is all we have left to protect against the dangers of greasy foods. What next: Love? Puppies!?
Believe it or not, Babies in Japan like Toyota pictured, get their powers from salt.
Charlie Signs For The Package
January 27, 2009Charlie is being a great friend and moving furniture into Schnufflesalphonse’s apartment with the help of a burly delivery man. Hope things don’t get too sweaty: otherwise, ramen won’t be the only thing CharlieTuEats this afternoon! NASTY!
Fasten Your Seatbelts, It’s Going To Be A Bumpy Charlie
January 27, 2009Charlie just finished watching All About Eve, and he is so super satisfied to see his life dream committed to film. He is Eve Harrington. And Chef Paul Prudhomme is Margot Channing (watch out, Paul, Charlie’s going to go all single white female on your ass).
Now he’s celebrating his plans for world domination with some leftover organic whole wheat rotelle baked with tomato sauce, fresh ricotta, spinach and basil. Don’t you worry about Charlie — like Eve Harrington, he’s a tough little lesbian. He’ll end up on elbow deep in success.
Charlie may have seen better days, but he’s still not to be had for the price of a cocktail, like a salted peanut.
新年快乐 Mothereffers!
January 26, 2009It’s the year 4707 and Charlie is celebrating by wearing a brand-new red outfit to ward off evil spirits and let the heavens know that he has more than enough things to use and wear in the new year. Charlie wanted to give you all some advice to avoid the whammiejammies on this auspicious day:
Charlie the Skinny Gourmand
January 26, 2009
Last night, Charlie went to the world’s most exciting supermarket, Stew Leonard’s, in Yonkers, NY, with his taste buddies, Gambypants and Schnufflesalphonse. They were going to make a jambalaya, but Xie Xie didn’t like the look of the smoked sausage (boo to nitrates!). So he chose some wild-caught Dover sole for only $6.99 a pound and made a succulent olive-basil-tomato-spinach-fish roulade thanks to fat Jamie Oliver’s recipe. He served the wraps with Israeli couscous and sauteed asparagus. A triumph!!!!
Oh no! Jamie’s wheel fell off!
Our Most Controversial Post Ever
January 25, 2009
Pizza and dwinqs
January 24, 2009Chawwweee is pwayin with his friends at chez steeez (i ♥ pingbacking) and he’s making videos and mixing dwinqs and eating Papa Johns pizza. He’s totally b’psyched because he’s going to appear in keeeeeezle’s first how-to-instruction video about cocktail mixing. Charle won’t spill the beans on the first edition, other than to say it involves hypnotiq®, the fine vodka-cognac-tropical juice mix for our caribbean friends, dirty dishwater and someone spitting all over an ottoman.
Recession Special #105
January 24, 2009Hey faggot! Yeah you, Jane Koh! If you’re looking to save some cash on the weekends, go to The Bagel Store in Williamsburg at high noon when it’s really really crowded and order a bagel sandwich. Smile really sweet at the lady who runs the cash register when you’re sandwich comes up and distract her with a question about salt and you don’t have to pay. Charlie did it and he even though he said it was an accident, he doesn’t seem that guilty.
Be careful: Charlie is armed and dangerous.
You Too Can Have Long Lustrous Beautiful Hair
January 23, 2009Charlie is eating a cinnamon bagel for dinner and it is so so. Maybe one day he’ll be able to afford the everything.
On a side note, all dogs should wear wigs.
Sometimes Charlie Gets Sad
January 22, 2009
Charlie Hates Mondays.
January 22, 2009
When I was 5 years old, I had my nasopharyngeal tonsils removed and I vomited on my Garfield stuffed animal. I was crushed.
